The New Justice League: What's Love Got To Do With It?
by Gage39
Summary: J'onn regales Billy with the Justice League's recent forays into the land of love. Between Lois Lane, Steve Trevor and their own conflicting emotions the League members face their biggest problem to date: love and themselves.
1. Who Needs A Heart?

The New Justice League: What's Love Got To Do With It?

Chapter 1: Who Needs A Heart?

"I must say, I didn't think malt shops were still around," J'onn remarked as he slid into the booth.

"I think it's cool," Billy waved at one of the waitresses who smiled and waved back.

"They are," J'onn admitted. "So what have you been up to? I trust you have a place to stay."

"Of course," Billy didn't look up from the menu. "I still know how to access Bruce's bank accounts and since I took a pair of Clark's glasses I was able to convince my landlord I was an adult so I have an apartment now. Plus I got a job at WHIZ Radio as a radio announcer. I gotta say-I kinda like being a normal human but it's still weird."

J'onn smiled fondly as he said, "I would imagine so. Everyone says hello by the way."

"Even Bruce?" Billy raised an eyebrow. "I thought he'd be happy that I was out of the way."

"You're…not entirely wrong," J'onn sighed. "But you are still a minor and you no longer have your powers so you can't defend yourself. We are all concerned about your wellbeing. Hal and Barry said to let you that you are welcome to stay with them."

"So how is everyone else doing?" Billy changed the subject.

J'onn groaned. "It's been a very long couple of weeks," he sighed.

"So? What happened?" Billy leaned forward eagerly.

* * *

"You want to hear something funny?" Flash grinned as he began to spin around in his chair.

"What?" Hal didn't look up from the newspaper he was reading, mentally bemoaning the loss of his favorite team.

"Billy thinks we're flirting."

Hal looked up. "Well yeah. I mean, I am anyways, I just assumed you were too."

"Oh," Flash blinked in surprise. "I see."

"Is that a problem?" Hal frowned as he folded up the sports page.

"I don't know," Flash frowned. "I don't think so at least. I just never really thought about it before."

"So, uh, what do you want to do about it?" Hal tried to sound casual but somehow he didn't think he was very successful.

"Well," Flash said slowly, "I suppose we could do the logical thing and test this theory."

Hal raised his eyebrows. "A date?"

"Up to you," Flash shrugged. "Billy said we're soulmates but apparently Iris is my soulmate so I'm not really sure what's going on with that."

"Maybe I should start reading my horoscope," Hal muttered. "But a date sounds like fun."

* * *

"Very well, sir," Alfred Pennyworth sighed in disappointment. "I promise not to mention Master William to Master Richard."

"Thank you," Bruce said sarcastically. Since Alfred was a certified foster parent it had been easy to get custody of Dick Grayson who was starting to get used to living with them.

"It's just a shame-Master Richard could certainly use some friends his own age."

Choosing to ignore his butler Bruce signed a few more documents then casually said, "I broke it off with Vicki yesterday-she seemed upset but she'll get over it."

Alfred frowned. "I wasn't aware that you saw her yesterday," he sounded confused, mentally reviewing Bruce's schedule from the day before.

"She called and I told her then."

It took all of Alfred's willpower to not throttle Bruce for being such an insensitive brat. "You should be careful, Master Bruce," he warned. "If you keep this act long enough then it will become real and you won't be able to stop it."

* * *

"Mercy, who's that sitting at Lana's desk?" Lex Luthor asked as he sat down at his desk.

Mercy rolled her eyes. "That is Helen Bryce-the temp agency sent her over because Lana's mother is in the hospital. She had to have emergency gallbladder surgery but Lana will be back in two weeks."

Lex frowned. "I don't recall Lana wearing shirts that small."

"She didn't," Mercy sighed. "I'm going to have a long talk with the temp agency. There's something strange about her so Timothy's looking into it."

"I trust that you have everything under control," was all Lex said before getting to work.

By the time Lex was ready to take a break he had completely forgotten about the new secretary and was therefore surprised when he exited the bathroom only to find her right in front of him. "Hello?" Lex was immediately suspicious.

"Sorry," she giggled, flipping her brown hair. "I must've taken a wrong turn somewhere."

In response to that Lex raised an eyebrow. They were currently in a private break area-access was restricted to everyone but Lex, Mercy and the Outsiders. "How did you even get back here?" he wanted to know.

"No clue," Helen shrugged. "This place looks really fancy."

"It's also off-limits," Mercy stormed over and grabbed Helen by the arm. "I'm going to figure out how you got back here and then we'll figure out whether or not you still have a job."

Lex blinked in confusion as the two women disappeared down the hallway. "I have no clue what just happened," he sighed.

* * *

"Hey, Clark?"

"Yes, Lois?" Clark looked up from his computer screen. He was two hundred words away from finishing his article on a corruption scandal in the Mayor's office then he needed to head to the Watchtower for monitor duty.

Lois hesitated then asked, "Got any plans Friday night?"

Clark mentally went through his calendar then shook his head. "Not at the moment. May I ask why?"

Lois looked a little nervous as she said, "I was wondering if you would be interested in going on a date with me."

Clark blinked. "A date?" Lois nodded. "Hmm," Clark pretended to think it over, secretly enjoying the fact that he could make Lois (one of the Daily Planet's top reporters) sweat even if only for a minute. "I think," he said slowly, "that I would love to go out with you."

"Great," Lois beamed at him then returned to her desk, humming to herself.

"This is definitely going to be an interesting weekend," Clark mused before returning to work.

* * *

"No," Diana scowled at her cell phone. There were times when she despised the infernal piece of technology. It was only the threat of yet another lecture from Batman that kept her from destroying it.

"Why not?" Steve Trevor was just as whiny as she remembered.

"Because you are far too clingy," she glared at the refrigerated aisle in front of her. Why did they have to be out of her favorite yogurt today? It just wasn't fair.

"It doesn't have to be a real date," Steve protested weakly. "We could just have sex," he offered.

Diana paused. It _had_ been awhile since the last time she had taken someone to bed. "I'm still not sure," she argued. "At home we slept with one another if we desired pleasure and there was nothing more to it. Here everyone gets upset over the tiniest of things and then the sex stops."

"Fair enough," Steve conceded. "Will you at least consider it?"

Diana sighed. "I'll think about it," she grudgingly promised then promptly hung up.


	2. Second Hand Emotion

The New Justice League: What's Love Got To Do With It?

Chapter 2: Second Hand Emotion

It was a relatively quiet day at the office of 'Jones & Sparks' a private detective agency located in downtown Middletown. J'onn J'onzz was reading a newspaper, a habit he refused to quit even though the digital age had dramatically decreased the availability of physical copies.

"I'm bored," Audrey Sparks whined, spinning around in her desk chair. "It just doesn't make sense-last week we had so many cases it wasn't funny but now it's completely dead."

"Business will pick up again soon," J'onn didn't bother looking up from his paper. "Besides, weren't you just saying that you could use a break?"

"Well yeah," Audrey admitted, "but I'm bored now. I mean, I guess I could go out and practice with my fires some more," she said thoughtfully.

"No," J'onn said sharply, finally looking up. Audrey, it turned out, had pyrokinesis which was occasionally helpful in their investigations but it generally caused more problems than it fixed.

"Or," Audrey smiled at him flirtatiously, "we could go on a date."

J'onn considered his options for a moment before saying, "Don't forget a fire extinguisher."

"It's the fire isn't it?" Audrey scowled. "I already apologized for setting you on fire last week."

J'onn let out a weary sigh. "As I have explained to you many times before: Martians mate for life and nothing, not even living on Earth for the rest of my life will change that."

"Very well," Audrey chose not to say anything else and left, taking the fire extinguishers with her.

* * *

"I just realized something," Barry said suddenly, almost dropping his hot dog.

"What's that?" Hal spared him a quick glance before returning his attention back to the ball game. Since he had tickets and they had already been planning to go they had decided to just make it a date instead.

"We're doing the exact same thing we usually do," Barry was quick to finish his food and half of his soda.

Hal blinked. "Yeah, so?"

'That means we've technically been dating for a couple of years now," Barry pointed out.

"And cheating on each other too," Hal winced, remembering his numerous one night stands Barry's disastrous attempt at hitting on the Golden Glider (she had been in disguise of course but still).

"Good point," Barry ruefully rubbed his jaw where Captain Cold had punched him. Lisa had been amused and so had the rest of the Rogues.

"Or we could just say this is our first date and not worry about it," Hal suggested.

Barry grinned. "I like that idea even better," he agreed. "Aw, man-I got mustard on my shirt."

Hal rolled his eyes and passed over a handful of napkins having already anticipated this. "And that's why we didn't go to a fancy restaurant," he quipped.

* * *

"Master Bruce," Alfred's face was grave as he entered the office. "I'm afraid I have some terrible news."

"What's wrong?" Bruce was already on his feet and running through a list of scenarios in his head and possible contingency plans.

"I'm afraid that Miss Vicki is dead."

Whatever Bruce had been expecting it certainly hadn't been that. "What? How?"

Alfred pursed his lips together as he said, "She committed after you dumped her-slit her wrists in the bathroom I'm afraid."

Everything fell silent as Bruce looked at Alfred in horror. "Did-did she leave a note?" his voice was subdued as he sank back down into his chair.

Alfred shook his head regretfully. "Not according to her sister-the funeral is Saturday afternoon and you are _not_ allowed to attend. I'll leave you to think things over now." He bowed his head then exited the room, leaving Bruce alone with his thoughts.

* * *

It didn't take long for Friday to roll around and Clark found himself in a very nice Italian restaurant with Lois on his arm.

"This is a nice place," Lois said admiringly as the hostess guided them a booth before leaving them with menus and a wink.

"The food's actually pretty good too," Clark grinned.

"Well since you're buying I would certainly hope so," Lois rolled up the sleeves of her pink blouse and began perusing the menu.

"Why am I paying?" Clark half-heartedly protested. "You're the one that asked me out."

"So?" Lois smiled at him. "Would your mother accept that excuse?"

"No. No she would not," Clark didn't bother thinking about it.

* * *

"Hey, Diana."

Diana groaned and turned around. She had been on her way home and had almost made it into her apartment when Steve called out to her. "What do you want?" she asked wearily.

Steve held up a twelve pack of beer. "I thought you might want to unwind for a bit," he grinned.

Diana sighed and considered her options. Hal and Barry weren't her type and two men who were her type were busy: Clark was on a date and Bruce was probably at home brooding. "Come in," she sighed in defeat and opened her door.

"You won't regret this," Steve promised as he walked in.

"Somehow I doubt that," she muttered as she followed him, closing the door behind them.

* * *

"Why is she still here?" Lex wanted to know as Mercy placed a contract on his desk.

"We haven't found anything on her yet," Mercy looked physically pained just having to admit it. "And until we do I think we should keep her close."

"She's not going to follow me to the bathroom anymore is she?" Lex had enough to deal with-he saw no reason to add 'stalker secretary' to the list.

"Absolutely not," Mercy crossed her arms. "Jonah forgot to lock the door back after he got through cleaning so we had a nice chat about that."

If it was anyone else Lex would have been concerned for them but Mercy would never hurt one of her boys. "I certainly hope so," was all he said before getting back to work.

* * *

Billy and J'onn sat in silence for a few moments as they finished their food then Billy finally spoke up. "What is it with people and relationships? I just don't get it," his face scrunched up with confusion as he looked at J'onn.

J'onn hesitated then said, "I don't think it's so much about the relationships as it is the sex."

Billy wrinkled his nose. "Sex is icky," he said with the certainty of a child.

"Not necessarily," J'onn smiled, "but I get what you're saying. No one takes the time for relationships anymore. They sleep together and that's the end of it. Their friendships get strained and for what? A night of meaningless pleasure?"

Billy looked at J'onn for a long moment then commented, "Audrey's still hitting on you, isn't she?"

"She's driving me crazy," J'onn groaned. "It wouldn't be so bad but I think she had a thing for green skin."

"I'm so glad I'm a kid," Billy had a long drink of his milkshake, deliberately making a slurping noise.

"I do envy you on that," J'onn sighed.

* * *

A/N: If anyone is offended by the gay relationship I apologize but it is actually a necessary plot point for later on in the story. I apologize for the delay but I appreciate everyone sticking with me so far and I hope you continue to do so.

Next up: Lex Luthor hires the Rogues Gallery to kidnap Billy and Black Adam's presence in this universe comes to a close.


End file.
